So I'm used to the guys that pull up and apologize for having to get out of their car and or open their door because the driver's window is broken, but I never saw this one coming.
One guy pulled up as if he were one of the "OVERSHOOTERS"(those that attempt to follow the car in front of them out), but surprised me by rolling down the backseat window and reclining his chair like a parking-lot gangsta. He proceeded to pay through the back window. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our winner. MOST CREATIVE PARKER GOES TOOOOOO (drum roll please): Anonymous (sorry folks, I didn't get a name).
Friday, June 7, 2013
The Ignorantly Blissful
Another multi-form category:
1) Talking-on-the-Telephone-Tina: These are the people that come through your lane chatting away on their phone and don't pay any attention to you (some of these guys still manage to get out a friendly, whispered "hello" or a head nod). Today, Queen Tina came through and didn't even notice when I let the gate up for her to exit.
2) OMISSIVE OLIVER: These are the people who read the rates wrong when they come into the lot, and get shocked when the $1.75 for the first three hours turns into $1.75 PER HOUR for the first three hours.
3) DON'T ASK DON'T TELL: These are the people who pull in and ask to not be told the price because, quite frankly, they don't want to know that they are spending $15 dollars on parking.
4) IGNORANTLY (NOT-SO) BLISSFUL: These are the guys that come in on a weekday thinking it's a $3.00 flat rate like on weekends and end up paying the maximum rate ($20.50) for parking. (YIKES 0.o). Also the people who fail to notice that it's 1.75 per hour for the first three hours and then goes up to $3 per hour after that. Like the lady who just came through my lane.
1) Talking-on-the-Telephone-Tina: These are the people that come through your lane chatting away on their phone and don't pay any attention to you (some of these guys still manage to get out a friendly, whispered "hello" or a head nod). Today, Queen Tina came through and didn't even notice when I let the gate up for her to exit.
2) OMISSIVE OLIVER: These are the people who read the rates wrong when they come into the lot, and get shocked when the $1.75 for the first three hours turns into $1.75 PER HOUR for the first three hours.
3) DON'T ASK DON'T TELL: These are the people who pull in and ask to not be told the price because, quite frankly, they don't want to know that they are spending $15 dollars on parking.
4) IGNORANTLY (NOT-SO) BLISSFUL: These are the guys that come in on a weekday thinking it's a $3.00 flat rate like on weekends and end up paying the maximum rate ($20.50) for parking. (YIKES 0.o). Also the people who fail to notice that it's 1.75 per hour for the first three hours and then goes up to $3 per hour after that. Like the lady who just came through my lane.
Nothing's Free in Bobtown.
Dear everybody who asks me where they can find free parking near campus,
**pseudonym for the real town.
I respond concisely: Nowhere. Nothing's free in Bobtown*. (cue Mean Girls quote: "Do you even go here?")
**pseudonym for the real town.
Sneaky Snakes
These guys are the ones that try to weasel their way out of paying. Like the "Big Cheese", the "Sneaky Snakes" come in many forms. Here are a couple:
1) THE OVERSHOOTER: These are the guys that try to follow the car in front of them out of the lot. When the bar closes threateningly in front of them, they look up smile sheepishly (I'm sensing a "sheep" theme to this blog) and then say "Oh, I forgot you had to pay".
2) THE DISCOUNT DINER: For lack of a better word, I dub the people who think they have parking perks as discount diners. Those of you who play the sims will know that the discount diner is a lifetime reward your sim can purchase when they have enough points with which (as you may guess) they receive cheap meals at the restaurants. The "discount diner" of the parking lots, are those that think that they get discounts when they don't. Honey, my supervisor doesn't even get a discount. Nice try.
1) THE OVERSHOOTER: These are the guys that try to follow the car in front of them out of the lot. When the bar closes threateningly in front of them, they look up smile sheepishly (I'm sensing a "sheep" theme to this blog) and then say "Oh, I forgot you had to pay".
2) THE DISCOUNT DINER: For lack of a better word, I dub the people who think they have parking perks as discount diners. Those of you who play the sims will know that the discount diner is a lifetime reward your sim can purchase when they have enough points with which (as you may guess) they receive cheap meals at the restaurants. The "discount diner" of the parking lots, are those that think that they get discounts when they don't. Honey, my supervisor doesn't even get a discount. Nice try.
That Awkward Moment When....
Yeah, so I'm probably spending a little too much time judging others, so let's make the playing board even and I'll keep a record of my blonde moments at the booth.
Please precede each number with the phrase "that awkward moment when" for proper reading:
1) You open the quarters by banging the container on the counter and there is an explosion of silver everywhere (I'm still not sure if I've found them all and if my drawer will balance).
2) You greet the customer, tell them how much they owe, swipe their card, look up and say, "Hi, how are you?" instead of "would you like a copy of your receipt?"
Please precede each number with the phrase "that awkward moment when" for proper reading:
1) You open the quarters by banging the container on the counter and there is an explosion of silver everywhere (I'm still not sure if I've found them all and if my drawer will balance).
2) You greet the customer, tell them how much they owe, swipe their card, look up and say, "Hi, how are you?" instead of "would you like a copy of your receipt?"
SO MANY SHEEPLE
The most common character of the parking lot is "the sheeple" (sheep + people). These are the guys who will follow the person in front of them into the lane with the biggest line, even though both are open (and there is a sign right in front of them that clearly states that) and the other lane is empty. Sometimes they don't even notice my spastically waving arm hanging out of the window to signal that yes, there is somebody in here, and yes, they are alive and ready to take some parking tickets (that last part should be read in a dramatic, superhero-esque voice). Every time I see this I just want to face palm and cry over the sheep-like state of the human condition. Seriously people it's getting really creepy seeing car after car after car follow each other (Yes, I'm talking to you mister red convertible that just pulled into my already full lane while the other lane remains wide open). I'm starting to feel like the mentalist from Now You See Me because I can predict which lane people are going to go into (Is it possible to "read" cars?)
There are some sheeple that you have to watch out for as a parking attendant. Those are the ones that get sheepled into the other lane, and while stuck between two cars, investigate the other booth (yours) to double check that they aren't missing out on the (not-so) secret "express lane". They get pretty grumpy if they see you, so here are some pieces of advice for what to do to avoid eye contact:
1) Pretend to read
2) turn off all the lights and act like nobody's home
or the fool-proof one...
3) duck
There are some sheeple that you have to watch out for as a parking attendant. Those are the ones that get sheepled into the other lane, and while stuck between two cars, investigate the other booth (yours) to double check that they aren't missing out on the (not-so) secret "express lane". They get pretty grumpy if they see you, so here are some pieces of advice for what to do to avoid eye contact:
1) Pretend to read
2) turn off all the lights and act like nobody's home
or the fool-proof one...
3) duck
The Big Cheese
We all know at least one person who thinks they're the big cheese, the hot shot of the block, and they DRIVE US NUTS. The "Big Cheese" of the parking lot come in many forms that you have to watch out for:
1) THE FANCY CHEESE: This is the guy/gal that will ignore the giant yellow "LOTS FULL" sign that blocks the entrance, enter through the exit lane (in spite of the giant yellow arrow pointing in the other direction), and drive around the parking lot for 15 minutes. Guess what buddy, there are no vacant parking spaces, not even for you in your 80,000 dollar car. The best part? That look on his face when you tell him he owes you $1.75 even though "he hasn't even parked".
2) THE ROTTEN CHEESE: This is the guy/gall that comes through and nastily blurts out "I (don't) need a receipt" before you can even get out your "hi, how are you?"
3) ANOTHER CHEESE GONE BAD: This is the guy (it was actually a girl that I had) that comes through, awkwardly makes eye contact but doesn't return your friendly greeting, hands you her ticket with validation stickers on it and then rolls up the window, waiting for the gate to raise.
1) THE FANCY CHEESE: This is the guy/gal that will ignore the giant yellow "LOTS FULL" sign that blocks the entrance, enter through the exit lane (in spite of the giant yellow arrow pointing in the other direction), and drive around the parking lot for 15 minutes. Guess what buddy, there are no vacant parking spaces, not even for you in your 80,000 dollar car. The best part? That look on his face when you tell him he owes you $1.75 even though "he hasn't even parked".
2) THE ROTTEN CHEESE: This is the guy/gall that comes through and nastily blurts out "I (don't) need a receipt" before you can even get out your "hi, how are you?"
3) ANOTHER CHEESE GONE BAD: This is the guy (it was actually a girl that I had) that comes through, awkwardly makes eye contact but doesn't return your friendly greeting, hands you her ticket with validation stickers on it and then rolls up the window, waiting for the gate to raise.
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